Monday, November 15, 2010

Gobble Gobble!

Where have I been?

To be honest. I don't really know. Not working out regularly, not counting calories, not losing weight...that's for certain. However, I haven't gained...that's a good thing. I have been juggling about 2.5 pounds...up and down and up and down. But, staying right around 172.

I don't think I held up to my end up the bargain on this blog, cause I am most certainly NOT going to get down to the 150's by Christmas.

However, there is hope. Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving, it was awesome. I ate way too much and had a blast. Next week, on actual Thanksgiving,  while everyone else is getting super stuffed...I have the pleasure of knowing I did the celebrating 1.5 weeks early and now I can focus on eating right and hopefully exercising until I start my holiday baking. I am going to give myself the goal of 5-10 more pound to lose by Christmas....sure it's not the original 25 I wanted to lose...but it will put me at 15-20 lost. Shockingly...I am now okay with the idea of 15 being the goal...25 being like fat free icing on the sugar free cake.

The weather is cooling way down, which means I can walk 3.2 miles approximately 3 times a week. Why 3.2? Why 3 times a week? My daughter has school 3 times a week...her school is .8 miles away from our apartment. Walking her to school, back home, to school, and back home again equals 3.2 And that's a good little workout. And it's super easy now that it's in the 60's outside.

Anyway, stay tuned while I try and get my buns back on track...yet again. Kisses...Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, October 18, 2010

‎"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But, if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." -Conan O'Brien

I weighed in out of curiosity today....I'm at 172. 10 pounds down. I can't say the past few weeks I've been losing weight out of trying...I've been losing weight out of stress. Not the best diet. I realize that.

With that said, I'm going to take a day and stray from diet blogging, if you don't mind.I need to vent. Is that okay?

In the midst of my children having the stomach flu and me starting my new job, I have been doing a little soul searching. I seem to have lost my way and don't know how to get back. Just when I think things are going awesome, I get a huge set back.

You want the good news or the bad news? I will give you the good news first. I think I am being given the opportunity to perform for the theater company I have wanted to work for since I moved to Tucson. It's not quite official, but I'm finally feeling like "Yes. I do have it....and what I don't have I'm going to get to work on!" I'm really excited. Also, my son is doing really well with potty training...pretty soon I can spend diaper money on something else. Food, master classes, Christmas presents...big boy underpants.

Now the bad news.

Without going too much into detail...I have gotten caught up in a world of poor communication. People not communicating directly with each other or with me. A lot of he said she said stuff. Feelings getting involved...words getting twisted. All the while we should just be walking up to each other and saying 'This is bothering me. Let's fix it.' But, we're overhearing things and spreading the word like it's our own to spread like a really bad game of telephone.

Example (this is a dramatization):
to self: 'oh crap. I really need Joe to get me some new paper.'
outside party overhears 'oh crap. Joe got the wrong paper.'
party number 3 is told and tells party number 4, "Did you hear? Sarah said Joe is an idiot and he didn't get the right paper and needs to before the building burns down."
party number 4 goes to Joe and says, "Joe. I hear Sarah thinks you suck at your job and you're an ass."

Bile. Word vomit. The thing is...I'm not a bad person. I'm a really good person and I have really good intentions. I have a bad habit of taking things personally...especially in text form. You can't hear or see how a person is saying something and you you choose your own inflection. Things get twisted...words get taken out of context.

I don't like to be a part of it. I don't want to part of it. I am no longer going to be a part of it.

I want to take this time to apologize to anyone who has gotten caught up in this moment with me. I have always found pride in one thing about myself. I don't bullshit. If I have something to say I'm going to say it. If it's bad, I'm still going to say it. I won't sugar coat something...yes, I know it could also be a downfall...but I would rather say to your face that I didn't like something instead of having the rumor mill make it something else. I have no shame in saying something to your face. But, lately...I have gotten stuck in a bubble and feelings have been kept inside or discussed with others and that shouldn't have happened. I just want to live my life the honest way...being open and honest about things instead of bottling them up. So, I apologize if in the past few weeks we have gotten out of sync with honesty and face to face encounters.

I want the following for myself: I want to go to work, take care of my family, and do shows. I want to love my friends and I want my friends to love me. I want honesty and open dialogue. I want to cry on someone's shoulder...I want them to cry on mine. I want to know that I am loved unconditionally for me. I want to continue to work on my talents and hope that they can be showcased. I want to laugh and dance and sing. I want to be given flowers. I want a blender for Christmas. Now, I'm just being goofy.

Making a promise: I promise to always be open and honest with all of you like I always was before. I am going to be sarcastic...I always was and I always will be. With that, if my sarcasm is not okay with you...be open and honest about it. I promise to work hard always and do the best job I can. I promise to love my family and my friends. I promise to not get caught up in the rumor mill or the communication bermuda triangle. I promise to thank you for your kindness and for reading this blog.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

No pain...no gain.

Well, it is weigh in Thursday. I didn't lose anything. But, the good news is...I didn't gain anything.

It was kind of a 'eat what you can bare to look at' kind of week. With my daughter having the five day stomach virus...I was rarely in the mood to eat. Also, I had my period battling me as well. So, what I did eat was more than likely made of chocolate.

What did I learn from this? Two things. One: If I don't eat well and follow my diet I don't lose weight. Two: If I only eat chocolate, I won't necessarily GAIN weight, but I certainly feel like a person who spent a week eating poorly.

What's my homework? Get back into exercising and eating right...starting tomorrow. It's payday...this means fresh fruit and vegetables are going to be in abundance in my fridge. I can eat the way I'd like to and perhaps lose another 4-5 pounds by Halloween.

Still down by 8.5 though. And technically down by 12.5 cause when I weighed back in June before the blog started I was 186. Down 12.5 pounds since June...8.5 since August...16.5 more to go. Oye.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Bodily Functions

You know what a great way to lose weight is? Come to my house...

My poor little girl has had a stomach ache for four days now and has had diarrhea and then yesterday...vomiting. Today she went to the doctor....stomach virus. She was given a medicine to help her nausea and to keep her from vomiting...it's not an oral medication. Oh dear...this can't be fun.

Between the poops and the pukes...and now my son has a touch of the poops...it makes my diet very easy. I simply don't feel like eating. After watching my daughter be sick for days and having to wipe my sons bum and deal with the non-oral medication...well, safe to say I don't have much of an appetite. What I do eat I look at first and say, "Will you be visiting me again later?" I don't have time to catch this illness...bring on the Germ X.

However, if I do catch it...I'll probably lose a good 4 pounds and look fantastic for my audition on Saturday...I'd rather not lose the four pounds and keep the food safely inside my body until it makes it's own natural exit.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dinner at the old folks home

I can't believe it...I lost a half of a pound this week! I am at 173.5. I'm not disappointed. My body should be revolting this week. I started my job and worked Saturday-Wednesday 5- close. The problem with working at 5 pm is that I don't get to have a normal sit down dinner with my family. They all have to eat at 4 pm like we llive in the old folks home or I have to eat whatever I can find before I leave. It's truly been the latter. I've either eaten something like a grilled cheese before hand or I eat nothing and then come home and eat whatever is quick. Last night it was a lean pocket. It gave me heartburn.

Next week is going to possibly be even more tricky because Jason goes back to work, so I won't even have the option of eating at the hour of geriatric dining. I'll have to cook dinner and put it on the table when he is walking in and I am walking out. More cold cuts for Mommy anyone?

In any case, 173.5 is not half bad. It's a long way from where I started...it's also a long way from where I need to be....but, I'll get there. If I can find balance between my home life and my new work schedule, I can make this work!

One thing that won't change...my morning coffee. Gotta go get some morning perk. Talk to you soon.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

I owe you an apology. I haven't been ery good about blogging daily like I should be. Life has been cuckoo and I don't have much to talk about.

I haven't quite been excercising....however, with my new job I am back and forth for a few hours and I have been sweating. I have been taking on fun jobs like mopping the store with the heavy mop and bucket. It's awesome. I'm sure everyone grumbles when they have to do it, but it's a great workout. I get really into it and work my arms and my abs and I sweat like crazy.

I haven't been writing down my calories, but I have been trying to keep a tally in my head. If I fail...I will go back to counting every calorie on paper (or screen). But, I don't like to. I want to live. I want to lose weight while still having fun and being me. I'm learning that balance.

I owe you another apology. This weekend I cheated. My husband is on vacation and so for the weekend celebrated. I had a big old turkey burger yesterday which wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't pair it with onion rings. And today I had a donut. But, tomorrow is no longer the weekend and so I am back on the wagon. I promise. Scouts honor.

Even with my cheats, I still think I will have a fantastic week. I am expecting a period which is never a good sign...so I might bloat a little. But, I don't anticipate going up on the scale. I'm watching myself Monday through Friday and most weekends. (You gotta have a little fun or you'll go nuts...or I guess in this case I'LL go nuts!!)

I plan on checking in with you all this week and look for my weigh in on Thursday. I'm going to lose this weight by Christmas. On my honor.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Another pound....

I have good news! I lost another pound. It's super slow going this weight loss journey, but I am happy every time I see that number move. So, today I weighed in at 174 lbs. That's 8 pounds since I started. I'm going to call this a success!

I think I am starting to grasp the idea of what is good and bad and how many calories things have. I truly think by Christmas I can at least lose 20 of the 25 pounds I have set out to lose.

In other news, I got a part time job. Working with food. Delicious food. I don't think this will be as much of a challenge as people think. It just so happens as soon as I got hired, I went on the website and researched the nutritional information of everything. So, I pretty much know what I can and cannot have. It's going to be good.

The other good thing about me having a job is that is 10-15 hours a week where I will be busy and not sitting at home getting hungry because I can be. I am busy at home, but there are always times throughout the day where we stop and relax and then I eat. So, this is possibly going to be an aide in my weight loss. Some look at it as a challenge, but I consider it help.

One thing I'm not happy about...I had to get khaki pants for work. Why is it that I can now fit a 12 in denim, but I am still a 14 in khaki???

Stay tuned. Next week I don't intend to a big weight loss, but the following week...look out.

Monday, September 27, 2010

top 10 fitness facts

I just wanted to share an article I read this morning. 10 reasons to exercise...other than getting thin...

TOP 10 FITNESS FACTS

Enjoy!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats. ~George Carlin

What exactly is fun about fun sized candy?

Sure, it's small and cute. But, you know what happens...I can't say no to it. Losing willpower is absolutely no fun.

Seriously. I can absolutely say no to a big candy bar. Bring me a king sized Snickers bar, and unless I haven't eaten all day or I am in a well of depression, I can find a better choice. I can eat a 100 calorie bag of anything. Or I can eat fruit.

So, what is it about the fun sized candy bars? I can't say no. I stop by the candy dish, think 'it's only one little piece', and start unwrapping the Hershey goodness. Problem. I don't stop at one. I'm certain that throughout the day I eat a king sized candy bar worth of fun sized candy. And then I become 'not so fun sized Amy'.

If you want to live with the grand idea that fun sized candy has no calories...do not follow this link: FUN SIZED CALORIES

This will be my struggle all through the month of October. Especially this upcoming week for female reasons.

Now, don't get me wrong...just because I have been indulging on fun sized candy bars doesn't mean I have fallen completely off the wagon. I'm not going to town on Big Macs and french fries. I just know that this month's weight loss is going to be super iffy.

Good news: I am successfully into my size 12's. I don't have to plie any more to get into them and I can breathe normal to zip them up. So, I know if they start being snug...I've had too much fun sized chocolate to last me a lifetime. Today is football...so no working out, no dance parties...maybe some crunches at the end of the night. I like to do them after the kids go to bed so I don't have to try and crunch with a toddler and a preschooler sitting on me. Tomorrow...cardioke. Today...football and fun sized candy.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Just checking in.

Just checking in. I got on the scale this morning. It said the same thing as last week...175. I'm okay with that this week. I know I wasn't a good girl. I deserved to gain a pound. Due to my lack of eating the week before, I was a ravenous beast. I couldn't get full this week and I was a monster chocoholic. I barely worked out. But, I managed to maintain.

I am going to take it as a lesson learned. The lesson: I know how to maintain. But, I'm pretty much back on track. Drinking my water, eating right, not going completely overboard on chocolate, and exercising.

Tomorrow, I think I will cardioke again.

Sunday, I intend to drink a few beers with my football...I'd better double upon the cardioke tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Not meant to be thin!?!??!

The other day I was talking to my grandmother, I don't exactly remember what we were talking about, but I do remember her saying to me, "I guess we just weren't meant to be thin in this family."

It made me angry and sad. It made me upset that she thinks we're all so overweight and that there is nothing we can do about it. Also, my grandmother used to be a hotty. No joke. I've seen pictures. She was thin...she was thin at 30. She was thin at 40. She's sort of heavy now...but she's also...70. Don't you dare tell her I told you that!!! In any case, perhaps she was in the same boat as me all her life...self conscious about her looks even though she was maybe only 10-20 pounds overweight at any given time. Or maybe she really thinks I'm fat.

I'm positive she's not the only person who thinks this way...that they are doomed to never be thin. I'm sure I have plenty of friends and acquaintances that think they were fated to a life of being "fat". Hey, not everyone is going to be a size 4, sure, but everyone can be healthy.

What really gets me about her comment is that I'm not even fat. Overweight, sure. I've got some junk in my trunk and bounce to my ounce and I'm working on it...but, it got me thinking..is this how people see me? Do people look at me and say, "Wow, lay off the cheeseburgers lady?"

Well, I'm not going to stand for it. I'm getting thinner everyday. On top of that, I'm getting smarter everyday. I'm learning to read labels and find things that taste good and aren't going to send me to an early grave or a scale that won't even read my weight.I'm learning that a little bit of exercise goes a long way to make my heart healthy and not just make my jeans fit better.

I'm not fated to be fat or unhealthy and I pray I never see the day where my daughter looks in the mirror and feels bad about what she sees. I'm giving her smart life choices. I'm giving my children the option of vegetables at every meal...vegetables that aren't covered in cheese whiz and butter. I'm offering fruit. My kids are allowed to have junk food...chocolate, fruit snacks, and ice cream...but, in moderation. And, yes, we do eat the occasional cheeseburger. But, I'm hoping that my children grow up with the knowledge to make the right choices and never hear the words, "I guess we just weren't meant to be thin in this family." They can be fat, thin, tall, or short...I don't really care...as long as they are healthy.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

There's never been a you before, so how can someone tell you how you should be?

Well, I'm back! I'm back to counting calories and working out after a long week of being sick and couch ridden. I am having a hard time, as I expected, with my hunger control. My week of barely eating has caught up with me and now I'm an eating machine. I have gone over my calories once or twice by like 50 calories and it's eating me alive. I am pretty certain this is a mixture of my body punishing me for sick starvation week and because I am the most stressed I have ever been in my life.

But, I'm back to working out. I took Eileen's workout advice once again and tried Cardioke. It is FINALLY on OnDemand and I couldn't be happier. It is about 24 minutes of the video workout and it is awesome. It's a mixture of aerobics and karaoke. It's kind of like being at a wedding and dancing and singing along...but minus the beer and wine. It is so much fun...and if you can believe it my arms and shoulders hurt like crazy today. I really worked it. Warning: there is an original song that you cool down to that made me cry. The words hit me right in my heart. But, the rest of the workout...awesome. I want the full workout.

Hopefully the scale shows me my efforts in working out and not my weakness to hunger and stress this week. One good thing...my collarbones are getting sexier every week. I swear it. I couldn't stop staring at them today. I'm becoming a collarbone vanity freak.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. ~Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind

I feel like I'm back at the beginning. I had a week of barely eating and my fear is coming true. My body is now begging for more food every time I turn around. I'm hungry all day long. All I want to do is go to the cupboard, make myself a giant platter of food, sit on the couch, eat, watch movies, and possibly cry.

Last night I even went over my calories a little bit. Not by much...but I feel like junk about it. I haven't worked out yet either. I had a bowl of Special K with skim milk. Yea, I know...WHOA SPLURGE!!!!! But, I don't eat cereal...sooo...it was a splurge for me. Also, I will not lie...I had a half of a glass of wine last night. I haven't had alcohol in probably a month. But, Jason and I felt like having a small glass of Merlot to unwind last night. All I could think was, "God, this tastes good. Crap...it has calories."

Today when Jason gets home I am going to walk over to our little gym and bust a move on the treadmill.

Also, I'm more stressed out than I have been in a very long time...and I'm pretty certain that adds to my hunger and to the number on the scale.

I hope I can get back on track...maybe a cup of coffee will help me.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

We think fast food is equivalent to pornography, nutritionally speaking. ~Steve Elbert

After being sick for a week. I am starting to feel better. I keep having cough spells at night, but I feel okay. I actually have an appetite and food almost tastes like food again. So, it's time to get back on the wagon.

I did weight myself this morning, as I do every Thursday, and I lost 1.5 pounds. So, I'm at 175 pounds and that is fantastic.

I officially can fit into a Kohl's Apt 9 size 12 pant without having to suck everything in and jiggle into them. So, that is very exciting. But, I have a long way to go. 17 pounds to go to be exact. I'm down 7 and I've been doing this for 5 weeks. So, that's pretty good. I'm on my way.

I'm learning a lot about food. What to eat, what not eat, and what I am going to eat whether it's good for me or not (in moderation, of course). I now understand why Jillian Michaels gets so mad at people for their poor choices. There are so many affordable ways to eat well and not kill yourself.

I am not going to go into what prompted this, but something triggered me the other day to go back to school. I have a crazy love for theater and will never ever ever give it up. But, I now have a crazy appreciation for how the body works and so I decided to go back to get a degree in nutrition. First, I am going to get a certificate in medical assisting so I can get a good day job for when my kids go back to school. Once they are in school and we're both working I am going to slowly but surely get my second Bachelors Degree. I want to be educated enough to tell people "I know for a fact that your Ramen noodle is not just a noodle and it's going to eventually kill you". This of course...all still allowing me to sing. I can do it all. Trust me. There is no harm in being educated and reaching all your dreams.

Monday, September 13, 2010

In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired. ~Author Unknown

Day 4 of being sick. Day 4 of not following a workout or diet regimen. Though, I am pretty certain, I haven't gotten even near my calorie allotment for the past few days. I haven't been counting...but I've only had soup, juice, water, and the occasional hot chocolate (I really don't care for hot tea). As I read labels and add in my head I'm not even close to what I should be eating...but I'm not all that hungry and my throat hurts.

I'm not certain what will happen with the scale this week. Frankly, I can't do anything about it.

My inner me is going crazy. Yelling at me to get off the couch. I'm certain that when Jillian Michaels is sick she still does 2 or 3 or 25 hours at the gym.

But, not me. Not today.

I just attempted eating a piece of whole grain toast with a little peanut butter. This is a food I have enjoyed my whole life. Who doesn't love peanut butter toast...unless your horribly allergic to nuts, then not you. I took one bite and all I tasted was cardboard with something that looked like delicious creamy JIF peanut butter.  I ate it so I that I had anything in me at all...but this cold has ruined the flavor of anything.

My fear is that when I'm better and my taste buds are back to normal that I am going to be a binge-a-holic. I think I will probably want to eat an entire fun sized bag of Snickers and a plate of nachos smothered in cheese. I'm going to try to jump back on the wagon with healthy eating and exercise, but after practically starving for 3 or 4 days...I have a feeling I am going to have a horrible first day back to life. Whenever that may be.

Wish me luck.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Super Sick Sunday

The worst thing about losing weight is having a set back. This is a huge set back week. First, I was hit with a complete lack of energy from my period. And now, I have a terrible cold that is just overwhelming my whole body. I'm not even hungry...and that's not like me. So, obviously I'm not in much of a workout mood...if I'm not even that hungry, I'm certainly not feeling like working out.

I just hope the scale doesn't punish me on Thursday.

That's all I have to say for today. I'm going to sit on my couch in my Steelers jersey and watch football all day. I'm not craving hot wings and beer. I'm in the mood for soup and hot chocolate. What a meal for football Sunday.

Friday, September 10, 2010

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

I'm not so certain today is going to be a workout day. I have to jump back on the wagon, but I'm out of the ordinary tired today.

My husband came home from his trip to Texas very very very sick and I have managed to not get sick for exactly 8 days now, since he's been home. Except, I woke up today a little clogged up and sore and I think that now that his is leaving my body is going to shut down and get sick.

The only thing keeping my from taking the bridge, other than the fact that we don't have rivers here to jump off of a bridge into...is that my nutritionist told me that's it's okay to take some time off. She said if you're body is telling you you're tired from a period or being sick to not push it too hard cause you'll overdo it and that is when injuries occur or people say "It hurt way too much I'm doing exercising again". So, I am giving myself permission to take some time off. I'm still eating well...and I will probably do some crunches and pushups tonight. But, no cardio. I just don't feel well.

I am still being taken over by crazy amounts of guilt, but I think I'm gonna sleep it off when they kids go to bed.

At least I don't weight in for another 6 days right?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. ~Harriet Braiker


This was a nice surprise this morning. On a week when I was a complete chocoholic, barely worked out, and stayed on the higher end of my calorie allotment...I actually lost a pound. That's a total of 5.5 pounds. Slow, but steady. I did watch my calories and though I came super close a few times to my max for the day, I did not go over.

I actually think I am right around what I weighed when I got married and when I found out I was pregnant with Meghan. So, it's not a terrible weight...but, it's not my goal. Below are computer images of what I look like now and me at my goal weight. I look goooooooooood.

I have 15 more weeks. So far I have lost 5.5. pounds in 4 weeks. That works out to 1.375 pounds a week. If I keep up at that pace. In 15 weeks I will lose 20.625 lbs. I only have 19.5 to go until I hit my goal...so, mathematically I can do this. I just have to make it successfully through the temptations of fun sized Halloween candy, Thanksgiving deliciousness and the whole month of December...aka Cookie Wonderland.

By the way, if you're wondering where I got computer renderings of myself...there is this awesome website called mvm.com (my virtual model). You plug in some info and you can try on clothes. It's super fun. Sorry, guys, they only have girl models.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I believe that water is the only drink for a wise man. ~Henry David Thoreau

This week is becoming a bit tricky for me. I'm certain that the scale is not going to be forgiving this week. I haven't quite been as tough on myself about exercising. I have a visitor and she makes me exhausted beyond belief.

No, it's not my mom. It's Aunt Flo.

I have heard that you can gain weight the week of your period. I don't know if there is truth to this, but they make enough products for water retention when this time of month rolls around that I believe it to not be a mythical statement.

The other night I couldn't get enough chocolate. I had three different kinds of 100 calories packs and during the day I had one of each of them.

I am proud of myself, I haven't managed to go over in calories and no matter how starving I have been this week, I haven't been doing any late night crazy eating like I normally would around this time of month.

I have been drinking my water. Just not doing as much working out.

I haven't fallen off of the wagon...I kind of imagine myself hanging onto the side with my feet dragging on the sand... like I'm in an action movie. I've got a good tight hold on the wagon though...give me another day or two and I'll be riding inside it again.

Now, off to drink more water...

Monday, September 6, 2010

~ I am a nutritional overachiever. ~

I was talking to someone today about my challenge of drinking the appropriate amount of water everyday. I do my very best to drink 8 glasses. Sometimes I make it to 12...other days when I am tucking into bed I realize I slacked and only drank 6 and have to hurry up and gulp down some water.

I was also telling her how I was watching my calories and cutting back on eating so many carbs. I eat them. I eat my daily allotted intake. But, cutting back has made me realize that I was going way over...even eating whole grain pastas and breads.

The girl told me the following, "Oh, I'm on a diet too. I'm on the orange juice diet." WHAT?!?!

She went on to tell me that she is doing a diet where you eat some moderately small meals and then for the rest of your day you drink obscene amounts of orange juice.

You're probably thinking what I'm thinking. And if you're not...let me tell you what I'm thinking. What a freaking moron. Since I'm pretty certain that this girl was not squeezing oranges for each glass of orange juice she was putting in her body, she was taking in a ridiculous amount of sugar. Also, she told me she wasn't bothering to drink water because she was drinking so much juice. OH, THAT MAKES SENSE.

Her reasoning behind why the orange juice diet is good. People never eat their 10 required servings of fruit and vegetables a day and also it works as a laxative. She figures if it's good for Heidi Klum, it'll be good for her.

She went on to tell me about her three children and I tuned out. I just couldn't believe that instead of learning the proper way to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle, she is choosing to go on a fad orange juice diet...such a great role model for her kids don't you think? Hey kids, let's drink ridiculous amounts of sugar and then get on the scale. Sounds awesome.

Whatever, I'm going back to visit her around Thanksgiving (her goal weight date) and see how well the orange juice pooper diet worked for her.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. ~Ovid

I didn't think I could do it...but, tonight I attended a potluck dinner. I only ate what I knew I could document. I walked right up to my friend Maria and told her that I needed to know exactly what I was putting into my body before she ate it and she told me. And I did really good. I stayed away from the potato chips and didn't even eat any cake.It was remarkably easier than I thought.

I didn't exercise today. It was my scheduled day off anyway, but sometimes I like to try and do at least a half of a workout. Although, occasionally it is okay to take a day of "rest:". In any case, I wasn't home that much today.

Yesterday I decided to be slightly unconventional with my workout and instead of doing an official workout, my kids and I turned up the Broadway Musicals and Glee soundtracks and had a living room dance party. My kids can certainly get down.And I was definitely winded, sweating, and ready for lunch once it was over. Not to mention I had just spent about 20 minutes chasing my son like a monster. That was a really good run, I'm sure the neighbors downstairs hate me. (Yes, Nicole and Kelly, I am certain that I am now Clompapotomus!)

Tomorrow, I am attempting a trip to the complex gym again to get on the treadmill. I think this time I'll do the treadmill first and then the Elliptical. I'll last longer if I do it in that order.

I don't have any picnics to tackle for Labor Day....just the gym. But, to you and yours, eat a hot dog and about 12 deviled eggs for me and Happy Labor Day.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness. ~Edward Stanley

The other day I got a text of mine who told me she is really appreciating this blog. She said there are days when she will read it and think, "Man, okay, if she can do it I can too." She said it's like I'm in her head. So, today I put her in mine.

I went to my gym today. One of the only perks to living in an apartment is that usually there is a gym...ours happens to be very nice and I can go when my husband is home with the kids. So, I took the walk down to the gym today and got on the elliptical. After exactly 57 seconds I was like, "I hate this. I quit." Then I started with the excuses...I'm tired, I can workout in the house later, I'm starting to get a cold I should be napping, etc.

My friend popped into my head and said, "It's ok. You tried." You see, this particular friend does not enjoy confrontation and thinks I look just fine anyway.

"Nope. That's not okay. I gotta do this." So I pushed on. If I CAN'T do it, she CAN'T either! So, I had to prove to both of us that I had something to give.

I did 20 minutes in the gym...not to mention the walk back to my apartment in 107 degree weather. Considering the fact that it just started pouring rain, you know it was humid too. I did elliptical, a little treadmill (I attempted a jog!), and some weights. And I left with the feeling of accomplishment...that's what it's called when you're drenched in sweat, feel like you might puke a little, and have swamp crotch right??

In any case, I did something. Used muscles. Perspired. Earned a really long shower...and hopefully gave someone that, "If she can do it, I can too" feeling. I might even do a 1 mile Leslie Sansone workout tonight after dinner.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book

Would you look at that?!?! I lost 3.5 lbs this week!!! This is a great start to my day. I must be doing something right....AND I got to have a piece of cheesecake this week too. Only 20.5 lbs to go.

Last week my side goal was to start defining my collarbones...and they are starting to show for sure.

This week: demolish the rubber legs.

"What the heck is rubber legs?", you ask. Simple. Rubber legs is when someone who is overweight can't comfortable wear shorts or a skirt because their inner thighs rub together and chafe. Gross...but true. I want to start wearing skirts and by the end of the day not want to sit with ice on my thighs. I used to be able to do this...so I know it can be achieved.

Suggestions?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Success stories: Part 2 of many

In my on going attempt to motivate myself and others, I am putting together a sort of montage of success stories. We've already met Naomi, Kari, and Michael...today we'll hear about Eileen and Mandy. 

EILEEN

Eileen at her heaviest, on the left.
Eileen grew up always a little bit bigger than the rest of the girls in her dance classes. She never really let it get to her and accepted the fact that the women in her family always ran a little bit bigger.

It wasn't until she was 21 years old that she realized this was going to be a problem. At 21, Eileen was diagnosed with a condition called PCOS, otherwise known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The doctors couldn't tell her much other than it could cause weight gain and obesity. She had to do a lot of research on her and found out that things like sugar and carbs were not going to be her friends.

For a while she put her health on the back burner. Instead of living like someone who really needed to care for herself, she was living like most of us did...like an irresponsible kid. She was 21. She was eating pizza as her well balanced meal. She was finally legal to have alcohol and hang out at bars. So, she decided to live it up. She says at the time one of her biggest accomplishments was being able to drink the men under the table.

After college the side effects of PCOS started to really hit her. She was gaining weight, losing hair, and finding herself incredibly depressed. She moved back home and decided it was time to start taking care of herself! At the time she was at her absolute heaviest, 227 pounds.

Eileen sought out an endocronologist. This doctor basically told her that she needed to make a change. She had become insulin resistant, borderline diabetic, and had only a 25% chance of becoming pregnant. He suggested that instead of starting her on medications to bring down her weight that he wanted to her to give it a go on her own first. He taught her how many carbs were healthy for her in a day and she was on her way.

Eileen, on the right, 60 pounds lighter and happier!
With a healthy diet, exercise, and membership to Weight Watchers she was well on her way. She is crazy about the Leslie Sansone Walk at Home videos.

Eileen is currently down 60 pounds since 2002 and is keeping them off! She says she has 10 more pounds to go, but is so proud of what she has accomplished. She has brought her chances at having a baby up to 50% and is no longer insulin resistant. Not to mention, she looks HOT!

Mandy

During college, Mandy was a tiny thing. Much like myself, she was dancing 5-7 days a week and walking all over town to get to the store or the Playhouse or wherever. Metabolism was her friend.

After college, she moved to CA, didn't have to roll out of bed and go to a high energy jazz class and gained some weight. She got up to 200 pounds. This is not a great thing for someone who is 5 foot 1.5 inches tall.

She says she did a little Weight Watchers and Curves and lost about 30 pounds, but then just stopped. Nothing happened, no major crisis hit her, she just stopped. Some of the weight came back and she was comfortable.

In January 2010, Mandy got engaged to her long time sweetheart and vowed that for their May 2011 wedding she was going to slim down for good.

Much like myself, Mandy is not big on the whole idea of dieting and absolutely hates calorie counting. So, instead of being prisoner to a spreadsheet of calories and fat grams, she just made major changes to her eating habits. She has cut way back on eating sweets and fast food and practices portion control. Mandy has also discovered the magic of the walk at home program. She has a serious sweet tooth which she calms down with 100 calorie packs and dried fruits. She does enjoy the occasional bean and cheese burrito, but she will only have half and will pair it with a salad.

In January of this year Mandy was 181 lbs. She is down to 159.8 and plans to lose 20 more pounds for her wedding!!!

Mandy's secret: "This is a lifestyle, You can't deprive yourself of foods that you love, if you do your lifestyle won't work" Well, it's working. Go Mandy!!!



Thank you Mandy and Eileen for sharing your stories. There are more to come!! Do you have a great success story? Please share with me. 

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I want to have a good body, but not as much as I want dessert. ~Jason Love

You know what's better than a piece of cheesecake? Having a piece of cheesecake that actually fits into your daily caloric budget. And did I mention it had a girl scout cookie crust? Yea. It was that good.

That cheesecake proved something to me: I can eat things I love and not fall off the wagon. I just have to fit it into my day. This morning I woke up and I was still on the wagon. I had a good breakfast, an even better lunch, some small snacks, a sensible dinner, and a peach for my night time snack once the kids were in bed. I was a bit hungry and that really filled me up. I'm not sure when peaches got as filling as cheeseburgers, but it hit the spot for tonight. I also worked out today. I did a 20 minute circuit training video with Jillian Michaels to break up my walks. That will not be a daily video, but it's nice to change it up a bit.

Also, I'm proud to say I've been drinking well over my 8 glasses of water a day. About two years ago Jason got me this fantastic pink 32 oz cup with a lid and straw. I have used it on and off for the past two years. This past week or two it finally has gotten some serious use. I keep it full all day long and the second it empties, I refill it. I drink at least 3 a day now. I still am not crazy about water, but it's been easier to get myself to drink it lately. I can take that cup all over with me and it doesn't break or spill. It's a giant mommy sippy cup.

I do have one question though. How can I get more fiber into my diet? Along with my calories, fat, protein, and carbs, I have been tracking my fiber. I am getting nowhere near what I need for my daily intake. Everything else has been right in my suggested ranges except for the fiber. Does anyone have any secrets of things with crazy amounts of fiber that I should know about?

Monday, August 30, 2010

Success stories: Part 1 of many

Through this weight loss journey of mine, I keep being told, "Make sure you have a support system" I want you all to know that I definitely do. I have friends all over the country that are chiming in with positive thoughts, pointers, recipes, etc. And why do I listen to them, they all have been successful in losing weight. They also are my friends and are looking out for my best interest.

With that said, today's blog is a sort of "they did it, so you can do it too" type of thing. I got a few of my friends who have lost weight recently and asked them to tell me their stories. How much did they weigh? How much did they lose? How did they do it? Everyone has a different method, but everyone has seen results. None of them had to get a personal trainer, a personal chef, a spot on the biggest loser, or plastic surgery. And in my opinion, they all look great.

NAOMI

Naomi at her heaviest
Naomi posing with Duff, the Ace of Cakes
Naomi has been my friend of around 15 years or so. I have seen her at her heaviest and her lightest. Naomi had what I consider a typical weight gain. She got really nice and thin for her wedding and then over the years gained some weight. A lot of us do it...including yours truly. Naomi took control for good in October 2009. She says she is a firm believer in the Curves Weight Management program. This program is a free program designed to teach you how to eat the right things and it teaches you all about your metabolism and how it works. This combined with exercise at her local Curves. This combination of education and exercise helped Naomi to lose 39 pounds in 6 months...and she is still on her way.

Naomi's favorite meals, snacks, and recipes:

Naomi is very proud of her weight loss and her arms
Pancakes: 1/2 cup old-fashioned oatmeal, 1/4 cup low-fat cottage cheese, two eggs, dash of vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Blend all together and cook like a regular pancake.

Fave snacks: fat-free cottage cheese with a little low-fat ricotta, with a cut-up pear and some blackberries or blueberries, stirred up with a Splenda packet and some cinnamon.
Zone protein bars

Blue Diamond Garden Herb Flavored Almonds

Naomi also that making vegetable the biggest portion of her meal has been helpful. Filling half of her plate first with veggies and then her protein with a small side is key to a healthy diet. She also is currently managing her local Curves.

KARI


I have also known Kari since high school. She has always had a nice body and has been fairly thin. Kari's story is a little bit different. After having her two beautiful daughter's Kari only had about 15 pounds to lose and yet she still didn't feel right. She felt fat and has quoted herself as getting "too comfortable sitting down with the box of Cheezits" at night when the kids were sleeping. But that is not why she sought help. Kari was feeling more tired than she had been used to or should have been. She went in to her doctor for a check up and found out that she was diabetic. In her case, making a life change wasn't a choice...it was a requirement. Kari had to change her diet relatively quickly. 

Kari has dropped 15 pounds and is feeling healthier, but would still like to drop 5 more pounds by the holidays. She does still have diabetes, but is feeling better and definitely learning how to manage it. She sticks to around 1500 calories and does the occasional workout, though she considers hauling laundry up and down the stairs exercise enough.


Her biggest tip is to eat everything in moderation and pay attention to labels. If it say you can have 16 cheezits, that's what you have...16. Also, like Naomi, she has adopted the good practice of filling her plate half with vegetables and then adding her sides and meats.

Some of Kari's favorite foods: 
Low sugar (but not sugar free) jelly,  low sugar chocolate syrup, and low sugar syrup (which could come in handy with Naomi's pancakes). She also keeps a bag of chocolate chips on hand...she says eating about 9 curbs her craving for chocolate and doesn't ruin a diet.  


Kari says that the diabetes wasn't completely a bad thing. She considers it a blessing that she was able to lose the 15 pounds she wanted to lose and now her daughters will grow up learning how to make smart choices instead of tucking in at night with a box of Cheezits. 


Michael

Michael is a friend of mine from college. He tells it like it is and pretty much doesn't sugar coat anything. I like having him in my corner to just tell me like it is.

2.5 years ago Michael was at his heaviest. 247 pounds. It was then that he decided that it was time to make a change. 

Michael has a funny way about his weight loss, but it's honest if nothing else. Also, it is incredibly realistic. For someone such as myself, who loves food, it's tough to say no. Michael didn't, he just made changes. He learned about portions and how to get "more bang for his buck". He started tracking his food. Teaching himself what calories were entering his body and learning if those calories were fulfilling or not. He was eating the same things he always did, but in lower calorie versions. He learned about how many calories he was burning a day versus what he was eating and figured out what he had to burn in order to actually lose weight.

His wife, April, served a wonderful support system and lost a few pounds too...though she didn't need to. It helped him to have a support system and to have someone help make those good decision instead of ordering pizza for the 4th day that week. Sure, he still indulges in the occasional pizza, but you won't catch him at 247 lbs again. Michael lost 63 pounds and is now 184 lbs.

Michael before and after

Michael's diet tip must have? A digital food scale. Also, he suggests using a free calorie counting website such as http://caloriecount.about.com/. However, my favorite piece of advice from Michael has been, "Get over the 'it's good for me' BS. Yeah, 'good fat' is better than 'bad fat,' but seriously, olive oil is still 120 cal per tablespoon. Would you rather have a tablespoon of olive oil or a skinny cow bar? Yeah, that's what I thought. Me too." Tell it like it is.


My next success story piece will include my dear friends Eileen, Mandy, and Aubrey. I love to know how people lost their weight. It makes me happy and inspired.


Let them eat cake!

Tonight is girl's night! By girl's night I mean me and Chad watching girl movies and gossiping. I am so excited!

In any case, last night I got a call from Chad. He was kind of distraught. He starts the conversation with, "I kind of have a huge problem. I got sent home..."

I thought he was going to say, "with chicken pox and girl's night is cancelled." Nope.

"with my mom's homemade cheesecake. And I have a feeling it is coming to girl's night."

At first it was a GULP kind of moment. I have heard that Bev's cheesecake is the best around. How could I possibly tell him no? Then I realized that he was warning me. He was allowing me a piece of cheesecake and giving me time to work it into my calories without making it a binge. Thank goodness for friends who are dieting too and who truly get it.

I don't have to say no. I just have to figure it into my calories for the day.

Now, I'm not naive...I know cheesecake isn't the best thing for me...however, I'm going to make it work into my day. I may be required to do a little extra cardio and I'm going to really have to pay attention to everything else I eat to cut back on carbs, but I have been doing really well this week and think I can handle this.

So, bring on my slice of cheesecake, cause I'm ready!!!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. ~Fran Lebowitz

I have to tell you. I'm not going to workout today. I'm taking a day off. I had to get up very very very early this morning to take my husband to the airport and so I am incredibly tired. I think it's only fair that I can take a day or two off. Today is one of those days. I might do some crunches tonight while I'm watching tv and the kids are in bed, but other than that...no walking with Leslie Sansone today. I just really don't have it in me right now.

I will say that I have been doing very well logging my food into Sparkpeople. I'm still starving, but I know I'm eating right. I've been checking in with my nutritionist's outline and it pretty much matches up.

I tested myself last night. I made a baked chicken parmesan (sans breading), spaghetti, and green beans. I passed on the pasta. It was a terribly difficult thing for me to do, but to balance out my plate with everyone else's I doubled up on the green beans. I felt good about my choice...though the spaghetti still looked really enticing and I almost didn't make it.

For dessert I had a fresh peach. It was soooo good. Canned peaches just don't do justice to a fresh peach. Don't get me wrong, a brownie would have made me happier...but the peach was way less calories and sugar and it filled me up slightly longer than a brownie would have. See, I know how to make good choices...I just really don't enjoy it.

Also, I made a decision today to not stop on the way home from the airport to have breakfast with the kids. I held off the extra 15 minutes to get home and cook myself. Usually when Daddy is away I try to keep the kids happy by taking them fun places and letting them know how loved they are...but right now we're broke. But, also, I don't really know what they are cooking back in those kitchens. I have worked in restaurants and I know the amounts of oil that is poured onto a griddle or the amount of cheese or butter that is put into something. Even something "Light" at a restaurant is about 500 calories. I'm sure I could have gone to the Good Egg and had Chad suggest something delicious, low in calories, and full of fiber...no doubt, he's good like that...but I don't have the energy to guess everything that goes into that delightful low calorie meal and then  log it in to sparkpeople. Though I love me some Good Egg...mmm mm mm. If you're ever in the Tucson area I suggest that for Breakfast...you can't go wrong with a single thing on the menu.

I am getting off topic. Back on track...for the next few weeks (at least) I am opting to stay home. I need to start really being strict about our budget (zero dollars and zero cents) and my waist line. So, today for breakfast Meghan wanted Scrambled eggs. Easy enough. I've been cooking those since I was 10 years old. So, I whipped up some scrambled eggs and then for myself I made a breakfast sandwich. An egg over hard on a light multigrain english muffin with a slice of 2% american cheese. On the side, a glass of skim milk and half of an orange. And let me tell you, oranges must be in season cause I generally don't like oranges, but this one was sweet and juicy and I kind of want another one.

Also, on another note, though I will miss my husband terribly this week, there is one good thing that is brought by his absence. It's a Sunday...during football season. I was raised in a drinking town with a football problem. Being alone gives me absolutely no excuse to have to make football food or drink beer...so I'm saved for a week. Today I will be watching football out of the corner of my eye while playing cars and barbies. I will be drinking my "sippy cup" of water and counting my calories.

Though this is one of only about 3 Sundays that my husband will be MIA during football season. So, if anyone has any awesome, low cal, fun football foods they would like to suggest...please do. I've got four months ahead of me of miserably staring at the chip bowl and then staring at my water and carrot sticks. So, if you have fun tailgating food ideas, ways around drinking beer and still enjoying football season. I know it can be done...I was 8 months pregnant during Superbowl XL and didn't drink. But, football is better with chicken wings and nachos.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. ~Robert Brault

You should know that I have an semi-unhealthy obsession with collar bones. One of the things that I strive to have is visible collarbones. Ask Jacinda...we had to go shopping for gowns back in November and I was stressing out over getting a strapless gown cause I was afraid I would look to overweight if my collarbones weren't in shape. I know you're saying, "What are you talking about? Visible collarbones?"

Here is what I mean...this is a photo of Queen Latifah. I'm sure you look at it and think, "Elegant. Beautiful. What are you talking about visible collarbones?" Well, in this photo...there aren't any.

Now, on the off chance you know Queen Latifah, don't go running and telling her I said she was fat. Cause that is simply not true. I just happened to come across the picture of her with no collarbones. And I actually think it is from years ago before she did Jenny Craig. She is gorgeous...now THAT you can tell her! I appreciate any celebrity that isn't a size anorexic.
Here is a photo Drew Barrymore when she was first announced as the CoverGirl spokesmodel. In my opinion her body is sick...and not overly thin. At least I don't think so...and she has great collarbones!!


It is just the slightest difference from soft to soft and fit.

Getting back to the point. I have an obsession with visible collarbones. So, this morning we were in the car and I said to Jason, "Well, I may not be losing any weight yet, but I am starting to have visible collarbones!!!" They are somewhere in between post Latifah and current Barrymore at the current time.

I know what you're thinking...you probably think my husband was really happy for me and filled with words of encouragement and excitement. He reply was, "Great, but don't go turning into that gross skinny girl you watch on tv." He was referring to Rachel Zoe. My husband likes a girl with meat, you see. But, I don't know if my husband realizes that when he fell in love with me I was 132 pounds with perky boobs, a tight ass, and really really really nice collarbones. So, it makes me a little self conscious that I'm not holding up to what he originally fell for. On the other hand, it kind of made me feel good that he doesn't want me to lose weight, but he is very supportive. It's important to know that the one you love is in love with you no matter what...I could probably be another 25 lbs. heavier and he would still love me. I'm a super lucky girl with a husband who loves me unconditionally, but, I'm going to keep working on the collarbones and I might throw in a tight ass for good measure.

And don't worry I will not ever go trying to look like the Rachel Zoe's of the world. That girl needs to slow down and eat a cookie...or 12.




Friday, August 27, 2010

Hear your heart. Heart your health. ~Faith Seehill

Well, so far it's an incredibly productive day.

I started logging into Sparkpeople again and I downloaded the iPhone app. Also, I checked out the Calorie Counter page that Mike suggested just to  make sense of this whole calories in and out thing. Seems like all the websites are matching up with what is going in and coming out and they are all matching up with what my nutritionist told me. I'm going to stick with Sparkpeople cause I have used it before and it is super easy for me to use...just a pain in the butt. There is a great feature where you log in all the ingredients that went into something and then break it down so you know what you actually ate. Example, last night Jason made a homemade Tortilla soup...instead of trying to figure out how much of the chicken I ate, or how much of the chicken broth I ate...I type in everything that went in and then how many servings it made and out comes this fantastic information just like you would see on a nutrition label. So super helpful.

Also, I have made my appointment to take the Curves Free Weight Management classes. When I was a member at Curves they didn't provide this service, but apparently they have added this service for member and non members alike. Thanks to Naomi I found out about this tidbit of information. Free weight management classes...they certainly fit into the budget. I think everyone who is on this journey should look into it.

I did my 2 mile walk and I did some "strength training" today. I don't know how much it counts but I did a bunch of crunches and I used my son as a weight today. I did some dumbbell squats while I held Ben and I did some bench presses with him. Not many...it's hard to bench press a wiggle child, but he's about 25 pounds and he thought it was the most fun ever. Meghan wanted to try...but unfortunately I can't really bench press another 10 pounds...so I just put her on my legs and played airplane.

Lunch was a huge hit today. Meghan loves to cook and so today she prepared English Muffin Pizzas. We used Multigrain Light English Muffins and Turkey Pepperoni. Yummmm. So, sometimes it's easy to diet and include my kids, but other times it's impossible. But, today it has been rather easy. This delightful lunch was delicious, well rounded, and fun. For a whole Light English Muffin, 1/4 cup of sauce, 1/4 cup of Part Skim Mozzarella, and 6 slices of turkey pepperoni we're looking at 229 calories and 16.4 g of protein. Paired with some Granny Smith apples for color and sweet to go with the salt, we had a really nice lunch. Also, I've already had 6 glasses of water today. That's crazy for me cause I hate water. But, I'm doing this.

Now, after a full morning of weight lifting children, cardio, and healthy lunches...I am in need of a nap. Christmas people...mark your calendars...I will be thin.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

~All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do.~

I want to know the truth. I want someone to tell me what the real story is. Is muscle heavier than fat...or is that a wives tale? Also, do you actually gain weight before you lose it? Does your body really think you're going to starve since you're not filling up on french fries and Oreo cookies or is this also a fun tale that we tell ourselves when we have a bad week? And how could I possible burn more calories in one day than I consume? I burn maybe 200-300 calories doing a 2 mile walk workout. What about the other 1200 calories or so that i eat in a day...how am I working those off? Do I have to workout for 3 hours straight? I don't have that kind of time...my kids won't let me. Trust me...after a half hour I have children under my legs building lego empires in order to get me to stop and put Nick Jr back on. What am I supposed to do? And what about drinking water? YOU are supposed to drink 8 glasses of water a day, but then you suffer water weight gain. WHAT?!?!?!

All I know is that I didn't let this get me down yet. I did my exercise tonight. Starting tomorrow, I'm back to the daunting task of logging in on sparkpeople.com and following my nutritionists chart that she so carefully planned out for me. Next week, big things people!  I've got my chart which has brought me success before. I've got the tools. Now....if I could just breathe.

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen

How do I feel today? Ashamed. I didn't even take a picture of the scale. It said 181. I went back up a pound. I'm grossed out.

We got family pictures today and I had to pass on my favorite picture because I could see my belly rolls. How awful.

So, I guess what I'm doing is wrong and I have to start over. I have to be even more strict with my diet. Workout even longer. Next week I'm going under the 180's, watch me....

I think for a week or two I am going to have to log into Sparkpeople.com. It's free, so it fits into my budget...but it's a pain in the butt cause you have to log in everything you eat and measure everything...I will slowly go insane. Every time I use sparkpeople I lose about 6 pounds and when I was really strict with my nutritionists diet I lost 6.5....so let's do this.

Hopefully, if I have to go crazy, I will be one sexy ass crazy person when this is all over.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. ~Thomas Edison

It's not working. I'm not getting any smaller. I have been dieting and working out for two weeks and I actually think it is possible that my body got larger.

I am incredibly frustrated and uncomfortable. I don't have much else to say other than that today. I'm sore from working out and I'm cranky from not eating all the time. And yet, I feel no more fit than when I started, I don't feel happy, I don't feel sexy, and to be frank my stomach looks swollen today. 

I know, it's only been two weeks...but in two weeks I feel as if I should notice some sort of difference? If nothing else, I should have more energy or should be fitting clothes a little bit better. But, I'm telling you...I'm going to get on that scale tomorrow and it's going to say just what it did when I started. What the heck?

I'm going to have to start calorie counting...I hate that. You may as well lock me up in a padded cell...cause it makes me crazy. Why don't they have a show called "The Quarter Sized Loser"? For those of us who don't need to drop at least 100 pounds...I just need to drop 25. And I don't even want $250,000...I mean, I do...but I would accept the prize of losing 25 pounds. Maybe $62,500 wouldn't hurt...it is after all the quarter sized loser.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. ~Sally Field

Last night, I spent approximately 5.5 hours helping a friend scan photos from her high school years for a reunion that is coming up this weekend. While scanning we were reminiscing about college and so I brought out my giant box of photos and came across this...my former self.

Things I can tell you about this photo:

1) It was taken my senior year of college.
2) We were doing karaoke at TGI Fridays
3) The dress was a size 6.

Things I can tell you about me while this picture was taken:

1) I had a great time that night.
2) I had a huge bruise forming on my backside because I had fallen down a flight of stairs earlier in the evening.
3) I was very self conscious of myself and though I was fat.

I wish I could go back in time and let my former self know that I wasn't fat. In fact, I was really really fit and attractive...it was of course difficult to see at the time because I was surrounded by girls that were a size 2. I was always, and am still always, comparing myself to others. I was, by default, one of the big girls in college because all the others were so tiny. Size 2 or smaller. I was surrounded by dancers that had probably zero body fat and were 6 feet tall, with legs that were 5'11". I was never the most flexible, I was never the smallest, I was never the one with "the best voice"...so I was super self conscious and always trying to get to their level.

I can remember putting myself on a diet my senior year for about two weeks. I remember sitting down in the cafe with a very tall, thin, gorgeous friend of mine who was sitting with a giant plate of french fries and when she offered me one I said, "No. I'm on a diet." The worst part was that she didn't even question me about being on a diet. She didn't say, "Why are YOU on a diet?" Her answer was, "Oh. Ok." At a size 6, 132 lbs I was fat by musical theater standards.

But, looking back...I looked GOOD! I was tiny. I look back at photos of myself in size 6 and 12 and think, "Good GOD! I was super hot!" But, always in the present, I don't see a beautiful woman in the mirror. I always see overweight, not good enough, not pretty enough.

In 2002, at a size 6, I should have been at my happiest. But, I was a wreck. Always looking at the greener grass on the other side of the fence. And now, at a size 14 (12 if I don't breathe), 180 lbs...I fear I will never get back to a size where I can feel good. Or if I DO get there, will I feel good? I didn't before...so what makes me think if I'm successful on my journey I will actually feel like I have achieved anything at all? At a size 6 I wasn't good enough for myself...so what will it take? At 30 years old, will losing 25 pounds make me feel good about myself or will I still be looking around feeling like everyone is still tinier, or more fit, or prettier?

There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them. ~Vicki Baum

It occurs to me that I did not write yesterday. I'm sorry. I was a really good girl. I ate well and exercised. Yesterday was kind of random. Meghan wouldn't give me control of my tv...I guess there was a really important episode of Dora on. So, I tried to remember what I could of the Leslie Sansone videos and "walked" in my bedroom to the Black Eyed Peas. After 20 minutes Meghan came in and threw a fit that I wasn't making lunch cause it was 11:00. So, I did 20 minutes of walk-dancing (yea, it was BEP...I was kind of getting DOWN!)...and a quick 3 minutes of continuous crunches. Then we had lunch.

It was a good day. I got to spend some time reminiscing with an old friend as she scanned pictures onto my computer from her high school days and then I received a really nice note from my friend, Mandy, saying I had motivated her to get back on the exercise wagon after 3 months of being lazy. So, everyone, "Yay Mandy! Yoo go girl!!!" (She's going to be a beautiful bride next spring)

Well, my dear friends, I have an angry 4 year old who is demanding that the kitchen open for breakfast. I will check back later.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

There is no effect more disproportionate to its cause than the happiness bestowed by a small compliment. ~Robert Brault

What's the saying? Who cares what others think of you...or something like that?

Easier said than done I suppose. It's super easy to say, "I don't care what you think." And sometimes that is true. But, I must say, an unexpected compliment came my way tonight and I have been floating on cloud nine ever since. I care what others think, and I don't care who knows it.

So, why is that when people are saying bad things about us that we need to make it that someone's opinion doesn't matter? And why is it that when a person is told they look nice or they do something well that it means so much???

In any case, tonight I went to pick up some fliers and drop off some cd's at a local theater and a friend of mine said, "Have you been working out? You're losing weight." This was especially exciting because I was in jogging shorts, a crummy old t-shirt, and my hair and face were a mess. It just meant so much to have someone notice. I've only lost 2 or 3 pounds and can't see any difference on myself and he just kind of floated in like a little workout angel and made me want to work even harder. Maybe the next 3 pounds will look even better than the first 3.

So, thanks for the compliment, you know who you are.

Tomorrow, another 2 mile walk workout. I'm excited. Let's hope I get enough sleep to have energy for it.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you who you are. ~Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Kids, it is terribly hard to eat right if you don't have any food. I realized this when I woke up this morning and only had food to prepare for dinner for the next 9 days and nothing for breakfast or lunch. I guess someone needs to take a trip to the grocery store, hmmm???

So, unfortunately it pains me to say my diet today has consisted of coffee, protein bars, and slim fast. I truly need a trip to the grocery store.

Before I go...does anyone have any genius ideas of things I should buy? Any fabulous ideas for breakfast or lunch. Keep in mind that I really don't care for lunch meat and have limited money. And....go...

Friday, August 20, 2010

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. ~Jim Rohn

Has anybody had these Strawberry Smoothie Frozen Yogurt bars by Weight Watchers? Well, they are kind of genius. The perfect cool down snack. A serving is 120 calories (aka 1 point, whatever that means). For 120 calories you can eat not one, but TWO Smoothie Bars!!!  You only need one. Their not miniature. They are definitely normal sized freezer pops that taste like the best strawberry ice cream on the planet with strawberries in every bite. I'm kind of addicted.Don't get me wrong, this is never going to fix my severe addiction to chocolate, but when I'm simply craving cold or sweet it will definitely do the trick.

Anyway, I am currently snacking on one of these delectable treats because I just finished a 2 mile walk with Leslie Sansone. Friends, this was not as easy as the 1 mile video. My thighs are thumping and I was actually watching the clock today. "Leslie are we done yet?!?!?!" Remarkably she kept reassuring me to stick with her it was almost over. How did she know? In any case, it's quite the step up from 1 mile. I know, some of my friends are tougher than me and killing themselves with P90X and hours of working out at the gym a day...Keep up the good work friends, but, I'll take it nice and slow, thank you.

I think the 2 mile workout is going to have to stick around a touch longer than the 1 mile. Maybe two weeks this time...possibly 3...I'm not as young as I used to be. But, I'm trying to act that way!!! Not to mention they don't have anything about 2 miles available On Demand. I suppose when I get used to this workout I'll have to do the 2 mile in the morning and the 1 mile before bed?? Or someone has to ask Santa to send my video a bit early...

(If you feel like walking a quick mile...I found Leslie's beginner mile on YouTube)



Side note: the other day my friend Eileen commented that she is back to doing the Leslie Sansone videos. She is the reason I knew about them in the first place and knew they would help me be successful. In her attempt to get back on track, she mentioned that when she is about to give up and turn off the tv, she pictures me doing the workout with her. Today, Eileen, I had to picture you working with me. At one point you were standing in front of the tv calling me a sissy, then I told you to get your fat ass on the other side of the room and start walking. You did...and we look good!!!

Also, in a turn of events, this morning I posted not to tell Chad's trainer that he cheated big time on his diet last night...this morning Chad was put on a five day diet and workout plan by his trainer. My name was taken in vain...oops. Maybe we should cheat less!

“Anything worth having is a thing worth cheating for.” ~ W. C. Fields

Good morning!

I completely had a cheat night last night. 2 beers and a shared plate of italian nachos with Chad. Completely worth it. Have you ever had a plate of nachos with mozzarella, italian sausage, pepperoni, and peppers before and said, "No. That's not awesome. I'll pass."??? It was a really nice evening and I don't regret it for a second. I didn't eat nearly as much of it as my friend...I was stuffed after a few bites. However, the plate of food did disappear...don't tell his trainer. You can tell mine all you want...she's on a video tape and won't say anything back to you.

Another reason I allowed myself to cheat last night: I don't have to go anywhere today, so I don't have to face my jeans. I get to stay in my favorite pajama pants all day long...watch tv, play with the kids, do my exercise, take a nap...whatever I feel like, in my pajama pants. I have had these pajama pants for so long they officially wore a hole in the butt seam...and I still prefer them over my jeans right now.

2 mile workout today. WEEE!!! I can't wait til the weather gets a bit nicer so that I can take the kids outside for a walk. It'll be so much easier to keep off the weight of Christmas cookies if I can take a brisk walk. I'm quite the cookie baker...put in your orders now.

Things that I am looking forward to this weekend: dinner date with my husband, The Twits with my kids, and fantasy football draft.

Now, off to make good choices and get thin!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

~It's not what you wear - it's how you take it off. ~

So, in my attempt to make myself feel like 2 pounds was some sort of huge milestone I attempted to put on my size 12 jeans. My 14's fit, but they are starting have that weird little bit of bagginess right at the bottom of the zipper and across the thighs. So, I pulled my 12's out. They are Old Navy Dreamers which means the truth in the number 12 on the tag is somewhat questionable...but I thought I'd test it out. So, I slid them over my legs, got them to my thighs, jumped up and down, pushed my underpants back down cause inevitably they rode up as soon as the pants slid over my backside, did a deep plie to stretch the jeans out and talk them into shimmying up just a little more and then I attempt to button....I take a nice deep breath and the zipper goes up. Can I breath? Barely. Do they slip down just enough to create a muffin top, forcing me to keep pulling them up? Definitely. Does the zipper stay up. Yes, it does. So, I figure if I keep up with my exercise and eating right, in another week I might actually be able to breath and comfortably wear these jeans all day long instead of just to run out to get bread and milk. You know that  right now they make pajama pants the most pleasurable piece of clothing on the planet...and as soon as I unzip these it's like opening a tube of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls. But, for the time being...I look slim. Well, slim-ish.

In other news, my friend Sam said that I should get that pedicure when I lose all the weight...she's even willing to pitch in as a prize. Score for me!

Your body is a temple, but only if you treat it as one. ~Astrid Alauda

Well, one week down...2 pounds gone. So, why am I so disappointed??? Two pounds is good. I'm going in the right direction. It means I'm doing SOMETHING right. But, I couldn't help but look at the scale and say, "Maybe if I get on it again it will say 179."

In any case, it's 2 pounds.

That photo above represents two things to me: An accomplishment on my journey and documentation that I desperately need a pedicure.

Plans for today, doctor's appointment, job interview, working FOH at the Studio...hopefully I can get in a workout...today starts 2 miles with Leslie Sansone.


That's all for now, be back later my friends.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. ~Dave Barry

Good morning, friends!

Here you are, and here I am....thanks for popping by.

Well, we got a good start to our day today. I sat down and had breakfast with my kids and then we did our morning exercise. I don't know about you, but I find it easier to do it in the morning. Yesterday, I ran errands and ended up waiting til almost 3 or 4 o'clock to workout and it was rough. I was too tired, I think I half assed it. But, this morning, it felt totally different. I had a different motivation that yesterday I must have lost around noon...cause it was just...different. Forced, if you will.

So, I know you're wondering what today's workout was. Because I "have" to share my living room with my kids (they have a playroom, but insist on pulling every toy into the living room anyway) I get about a half hour of workout time and it's usually by Meghan's request. When Meghan says she is going to exercise she says she loves it for exactly 2 minutes and then she sits down and watches me for the remaining 28. What can you do? I let her choose the workouts anyway. Today she wanted to dance. So, I picked a 10 minute hip hop dance video brought to us by the makers of the Crunch series and the show Dance Your Ass Off. It was super fun and I definitely was sweating. They only offer the first 10 minutes, but I liked it, so...note to Santa, I would like you to add Dance Your Ass Off and Crunch to my Christmas list. Or call my husband and tell him to get them for our anniversary, so I can be skinny for Christmas.

Moving on, since the Hip Hop workout was only 10 minutes I wanted to get another workout in. Guess what Princess picked? "Let's do the WALK, Mom!" So, we did 1 mile with Leslie Sansone.

Tomorrow marks one week since I started this diet blog journey...so we will commemorate it by pumping up our workouts to a 10 minute dance or abs video and 2 miles with Leslie!!! Also, I need to find my hand weights so I can work off these bat flaps. You know that moment in the movie The Sweetest Thing where Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate wiggle their underarms in the mirror...yea, I had that exact moment. "What is this? Seriously?" So...week two...tomorrow. Let's hope the scale tells me I'm doing well or I'm going to have to tell that scale to go to Hell.

Now, I am going to plan lunch and then paint my nails...thanks, Loretta.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

~ If I can't have too many truffles I'll do without. ~

So far, I have made the right choices today. Instead of having a binge or a starvation day...I tried to just breathe. I had a Special K Protein Bar for breakfast. Probably not the greatest choice, I realize, but I wanted to at least eat SOMETHING and this morning I just wasn't all that hungry. In fact, I was nauseated from making myself upset.

I decided to take an hour to clear my head. I went and ran some errands and then went to the grocery store to get the usual, milk, bread, bananas, and to pick up something for lunch. When my husband works closing shifts, we try to make lunchtime a sit down family meal if we can. So, I picked up one of those "Eat Right" meals from the freezer aisle at Safeway. We ended up having a low cal high protein chicken fajita on multi grain tortilla. And instead of buying the whole bakery in my moment of self loathing and woes, I got a box of my favorite 100 calorie packs. They are little mint chocolate petit cookies....they are like heaven. So, I had those and I then took a one mile walk with Leslie Sansone.

I can't say my mood is any better than it was this morning...but I have made it beyond the craving for giant pastries. I'm patting myself on the back, because the donuts looked especially tasty today and there was a cherry cheese danish saying, "Hey, you there, over here. I can help you with that bad mood. C'mon buy yourself something pretty...I'm pretty." Evil danish. You stay in your case and get stale.

Now, what's for dinner? I don't know...I need to raid the freezer right now. We might even have breakfast for dinner...the kids love when we have scrambled eggs or pancakes at the wrong time of day. They think it's hilarious. Like we're living in an upside down universe. Little do they know, that just makes it right side up.

“If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours.”

Friends, I may have an emotional eating day. Or I may have a starvation day. I'm not certain.

I found out this morning that yet ANOTHER one of my friends is pregnant. This brings the total of friends of mine that have had a baby or have found out this year that they are expecting to around 12 or 13. I'm genuinely happy for every one of them. Sincerely. When I found out yesterday that Jacinda was having a girl I went through the roof and started planning for gifts. I love when my friends have babies. It extends our family. But, this my friends makes the sting of losing our baby in February that much harder as well. I keep thinking of the playmate that baby Adelaide could have had or the sibling my kids would have been welcoming this week. It hurts. I'm not going to lie. I am in a battle with these emotions at all times cause I don't want to ruin any of the experiences of any of my friends who are welcoming sweet little bundles of joy into their lives. It is truly the best thing that could ever happen to you. But, I can't help but feel like I'm being tested. It didn't work out for me this time...but really? I never know more than maybe 3 pregnant girls at one time...and I'm hit with at least a dozen on a year where I am still in mourning.

Don't get me wrong. I am grateful everyday for the two gorgeous children I have. But, I can't help but envision the world I would have had with my newest addition who would have been joining us sometime around the 24th of August. Especially since I know Meghan and Ben would have been the world's greatest big brother and sister ever. 

So, I may need cupcakes. Or just a really big hug. Or more super fattening pasta from Olive Garden.

This shall pass, and I promise Miss Jacinda and Liz, you will be getting excellent baby gifts from Aunt Amy. For the rest of you that are expecting...it's the greatest thing you're ever going to experience and I am truly excited for you to experience motherhood, fatherhood, and surrogate-hood. I wish I could buy you all baskets of diapers and pacifiers, but children also cause an illness called "nomoneyinthebankitis".

If I ask how the new babies are or how you are feeling, I mean it in a very genuine way. I love your babies and your bellies and your general glow. But, for today...I am going to cry a little, if that's okay with you.