Sunday, March 20, 2011

Where have I been?

It's been quite some time since I've checked in. I was supposed to lose a grand total of 25 pounds by really got in the way and that did not happen. However, you will be happy to know that Since the beginning of this "journey" in August I have lost 20 pounds. 24 since my 30th birthday last June.

Sure I gained a few and lost a few...most recently I lost 10 pounds. (This is according to my home scale...the one at work tells me differently, but it is lying cause my clothes are growing) I started a full time job and have been doing a show that has been demanding of my time and my body....and so in the past 2 months I have shed 10 pounds. Yay!

The challenge is this: once the show is over next weekend what happens to me? Do I go back to having my nights free and I sit and snack and get fat again? That's what I did with my time before. I ate...I get bored and eat. I get sad and eat. I get happy and eat...and drink!!! So, do I wind up gaining back my 10 pounds plus?? Gosh, I hope not. I pave a pretty good support system and a friend who is kind of gym I hope to be lead by his example and keep up with myself.

With all of this being that I am only 5 pounds away from the original goal weight....I believe I have more to lose than I thought. I am not quite happy with my body yet...I think another 15 is a safe and realistic number. Maybe by my birthday. That would put me at 147. I think that's healthy.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Gobble Gobble!

Where have I been?

To be honest. I don't really know. Not working out regularly, not counting calories, not losing weight...that's for certain. However, I haven't gained...that's a good thing. I have been juggling about 2.5 pounds...up and down and up and down. But, staying right around 172.

I don't think I held up to my end up the bargain on this blog, cause I am most certainly NOT going to get down to the 150's by Christmas.

However, there is hope. Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving, it was awesome. I ate way too much and had a blast. Next week, on actual Thanksgiving,  while everyone else is getting super stuffed...I have the pleasure of knowing I did the celebrating 1.5 weeks early and now I can focus on eating right and hopefully exercising until I start my holiday baking. I am going to give myself the goal of 5-10 more pound to lose by Christmas....sure it's not the original 25 I wanted to lose...but it will put me at 15-20 lost. Shockingly...I am now okay with the idea of 15 being the goal...25 being like fat free icing on the sugar free cake.

The weather is cooling way down, which means I can walk 3.2 miles approximately 3 times a week. Why 3.2? Why 3 times a week? My daughter has school 3 times a week...her school is .8 miles away from our apartment. Walking her to school, back home, to school, and back home again equals 3.2 And that's a good little workout. And it's super easy now that it's in the 60's outside.

Anyway, stay tuned while I try and get my buns back on track...yet again. Kisses...Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, October 18, 2010

‎"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But, if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." -Conan O'Brien

I weighed in out of curiosity today....I'm at 172. 10 pounds down. I can't say the past few weeks I've been losing weight out of trying...I've been losing weight out of stress. Not the best diet. I realize that.

With that said, I'm going to take a day and stray from diet blogging, if you don't mind.I need to vent. Is that okay?

In the midst of my children having the stomach flu and me starting my new job, I have been doing a little soul searching. I seem to have lost my way and don't know how to get back. Just when I think things are going awesome, I get a huge set back.

You want the good news or the bad news? I will give you the good news first. I think I am being given the opportunity to perform for the theater company I have wanted to work for since I moved to Tucson. It's not quite official, but I'm finally feeling like "Yes. I do have it....and what I don't have I'm going to get to work on!" I'm really excited. Also, my son is doing really well with potty training...pretty soon I can spend diaper money on something else. Food, master classes, Christmas presents...big boy underpants.

Now the bad news.

Without going too much into detail...I have gotten caught up in a world of poor communication. People not communicating directly with each other or with me. A lot of he said she said stuff. Feelings getting involved...words getting twisted. All the while we should just be walking up to each other and saying 'This is bothering me. Let's fix it.' But, we're overhearing things and spreading the word like it's our own to spread like a really bad game of telephone.

Example (this is a dramatization):
to self: 'oh crap. I really need Joe to get me some new paper.'
outside party overhears 'oh crap. Joe got the wrong paper.'
party number 3 is told and tells party number 4, "Did you hear? Sarah said Joe is an idiot and he didn't get the right paper and needs to before the building burns down."
party number 4 goes to Joe and says, "Joe. I hear Sarah thinks you suck at your job and you're an ass."

Bile. Word vomit. The thing is...I'm not a bad person. I'm a really good person and I have really good intentions. I have a bad habit of taking things personally...especially in text form. You can't hear or see how a person is saying something and you you choose your own inflection. Things get twisted...words get taken out of context.

I don't like to be a part of it. I don't want to part of it. I am no longer going to be a part of it.

I want to take this time to apologize to anyone who has gotten caught up in this moment with me. I have always found pride in one thing about myself. I don't bullshit. If I have something to say I'm going to say it. If it's bad, I'm still going to say it. I won't sugar coat something...yes, I know it could also be a downfall...but I would rather say to your face that I didn't like something instead of having the rumor mill make it something else. I have no shame in saying something to your face. But, lately...I have gotten stuck in a bubble and feelings have been kept inside or discussed with others and that shouldn't have happened. I just want to live my life the honest way...being open and honest about things instead of bottling them up. So, I apologize if in the past few weeks we have gotten out of sync with honesty and face to face encounters.

I want the following for myself: I want to go to work, take care of my family, and do shows. I want to love my friends and I want my friends to love me. I want honesty and open dialogue. I want to cry on someone's shoulder...I want them to cry on mine. I want to know that I am loved unconditionally for me. I want to continue to work on my talents and hope that they can be showcased. I want to laugh and dance and sing. I want to be given flowers. I want a blender for Christmas. Now, I'm just being goofy.

Making a promise: I promise to always be open and honest with all of you like I always was before. I am going to be sarcastic...I always was and I always will be. With that, if my sarcasm is not okay with open and honest about it. I promise to work hard always and do the best job I can. I promise to love my family and my friends. I promise to not get caught up in the rumor mill or the communication bermuda triangle. I promise to thank you for your kindness and for reading this blog.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

No gain.

Well, it is weigh in Thursday. I didn't lose anything. But, the good news is...I didn't gain anything.

It was kind of a 'eat what you can bare to look at' kind of week. With my daughter having the five day stomach virus...I was rarely in the mood to eat. Also, I had my period battling me as well. So, what I did eat was more than likely made of chocolate.

What did I learn from this? Two things. One: If I don't eat well and follow my diet I don't lose weight. Two: If I only eat chocolate, I won't necessarily GAIN weight, but I certainly feel like a person who spent a week eating poorly.

What's my homework? Get back into exercising and eating right...starting tomorrow. It's payday...this means fresh fruit and vegetables are going to be in abundance in my fridge. I can eat the way I'd like to and perhaps lose another 4-5 pounds by Halloween.

Still down by 8.5 though. And technically down by 12.5 cause when I weighed back in June before the blog started I was 186. Down 12.5 pounds since June...8.5 since August...16.5 more to go. Oye.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Bodily Functions

You know what a great way to lose weight is? Come to my house...

My poor little girl has had a stomach ache for four days now and has had diarrhea and then yesterday...vomiting. Today she went to the doctor....stomach virus. She was given a medicine to help her nausea and to keep her from's not an oral medication. Oh dear...this can't be fun.

Between the poops and the pukes...and now my son has a touch of the makes my diet very easy. I simply don't feel like eating. After watching my daughter be sick for days and having to wipe my sons bum and deal with the non-oral medication...well, safe to say I don't have much of an appetite. What I do eat I look at first and say, "Will you be visiting me again later?" I don't have time to catch this illness...bring on the Germ X.

However, if I do catch it...I'll probably lose a good 4 pounds and look fantastic for my audition on Saturday...I'd rather not lose the four pounds and keep the food safely inside my body until it makes it's own natural exit.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dinner at the old folks home

I can't believe it...I lost a half of a pound this week! I am at 173.5. I'm not disappointed. My body should be revolting this week. I started my job and worked Saturday-Wednesday 5- close. The problem with working at 5 pm is that I don't get to have a normal sit down dinner with my family. They all have to eat at 4 pm like we llive in the old folks home or I have to eat whatever I can find before I leave. It's truly been the latter. I've either eaten something like a grilled cheese before hand or I eat nothing and then come home and eat whatever is quick. Last night it was a lean pocket. It gave me heartburn.

Next week is going to possibly be even more tricky because Jason goes back to work, so I won't even have the option of eating at the hour of geriatric dining. I'll have to cook dinner and put it on the table when he is walking in and I am walking out. More cold cuts for Mommy anyone?

In any case, 173.5 is not half bad. It's a long way from where I's also a long way from where I need to be....but, I'll get there. If I can find balance between my home life and my new work schedule, I can make this work!

One thing that won't morning coffee. Gotta go get some morning perk. Talk to you soon.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

I owe you an apology. I haven't been ery good about blogging daily like I should be. Life has been cuckoo and I don't have much to talk about.

I haven't quite been excercising....however, with my new job I am back and forth for a few hours and I have been sweating. I have been taking on fun jobs like mopping the store with the heavy mop and bucket. It's awesome. I'm sure everyone grumbles when they have to do it, but it's a great workout. I get really into it and work my arms and my abs and I sweat like crazy.

I haven't been writing down my calories, but I have been trying to keep a tally in my head. If I fail...I will go back to counting every calorie on paper (or screen). But, I don't like to. I want to live. I want to lose weight while still having fun and being me. I'm learning that balance.

I owe you another apology. This weekend I cheated. My husband is on vacation and so for the weekend celebrated. I had a big old turkey burger yesterday which wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't pair it with onion rings. And today I had a donut. But, tomorrow is no longer the weekend and so I am back on the wagon. I promise. Scouts honor.

Even with my cheats, I still think I will have a fantastic week. I am expecting a period which is never a good I might bloat a little. But, I don't anticipate going up on the scale. I'm watching myself Monday through Friday and most weekends. (You gotta have a little fun or you'll go nuts...or I guess in this case I'LL go nuts!!)

I plan on checking in with you all this week and look for my weigh in on Thursday. I'm going to lose this weight by Christmas. On my honor.